Thursday 28 March 2013

PEACE OUT TOXINS!

So in an effort to spare my family of any extra "junk" this world throws at us, I have, over the course of several weeks, exchanged several of our store bought "necessities" for DIYs. So far, here is what I've made that we no longer purchase from commercial retailers:

*Hand Soap/Body Wash *Deoderant *Shampoo *Conditioner *Laundry Detergent *Fabric Softener *Multi-purpose Cleaners *Lotion/Chapstick *Facewash

Not only are we eliminating several sources of icky chemicals, but we are also saving BEAUCOUPS amounts of CASH MONEY. Win-win? I think so.

Think we're crazy? You're probably right. But we are definitely better off for it. And the plus-side? We haven't compromised anything. Our hair still shines. Our clothes still come clean. Our bodies still get clean. And our pits don't stink (in fact, they smell like chocolate ;)

Interested in joining in on all the DIY fun? Let me know! We can have a party and create all kinds of awesome, chemical-free goodies!

Some other things I've made/done to promote good health for my family:
Elderberry Syrup
Bone Broth (YUM.)
Homemade popcorn popped in unrefined coconut oil and sprinkled with nutritional yeast (DOUBLE YUM)
Juicing! (Currently on day 5 of a 10 day juice fast!)

God has really placed on my heart the need to take care of the things He has entrusted me with - myself, my husband, and my child specifically. One of the ways I can do that is to be informed about what I put into/onto our bodies and make an effort to keep them as "clean" as I can. Ignorance is no longer bliss! God requires us to be good stewards. What are you doing to take care of the life He's given you?

The Mouths of Babes

So Ada is in her crib, supposed to be sleeping, when she starts to fuss. After a few minutes and an escalation in volume and intensity, I go in to see what's wrong. As soon as she sees me, she stretches her arms towards me and says "Mommy Rock!" If this were any other time, I would assume she was telling me I rock, but since it's bedtime, I realize she is asking me to rock her, so naturally, I oblige. As soon as we snuggle in and start to rock, she lifts her head up and says "Mommy, Pray!" Even though we had already rocked and prayed, I of course did what she asked and we prayed. When we finished and before I laid her back down, I asked if she needed to potty. Her response - "Mommy No. Mommy night night. Bed!" So I kissed her face and laid her back in her crib, where she is now sleeping soundly.

Can my heart get any fuller?

Sunday 17 March 2013

One and a half years

Sweet Little Adelaide,

I can hardly believe you are a year and a half old today! It's so cliche to say how fast time has flown, but MY! How time has flown! Where did my sweet chubby little helpless baby go? You certainly let me know each day that you are no longer completely helpless! It's hard for me to organize into a simple blog post all that you are and my thoughts on the little girl you are becoming. So I guess I'll just make a list of all the things I love about you:

your beautiful, heart-stealing smile, your silly giggle, how you laugh everytime indie does ANYthing, how you love your cousins, how you give bear hugs, and eskimo kisses, and pretty much everytime you say goodnight, how tender you say "mommy" and "daddy" as though those are the most precious words you know, how you have practically potty trained yourself, making and eating popcorn with you (and how you come running as soon as you hear me start it, dragging a chair behind you so you can help turn the crank), when you sit in my lap and let me read books to you (because i know this is soooo miserable ;), your love for books, how you are learning to read the books and say some of the right words on your own, the adventurous eater you are, that you love your sleep, listening to you singing along with Violet in the mornings, singing songs with you in the car, watching you sing songs with your baby doll (and make her do the motions), that you are really only ever fussy when you're tired, that you still like to be carried in a wrap/baby carrier, that moment when we come to get you from the nursery and your face lights up and you come running, the way you say certain words ("poppy" for potty, "bebist" for breakfast, "sups" for supper, "Ikee" "yesssss"), the joy on your face when I give you a horsey ride (or any other child for that matter) - the way you rejoice with others when they are happy, how you love to rock on your rocking horse or in any rocking chair, that you LOVE to be outside, that your first sentence was "Daddy go walk" (and how much that warmed both our hearts), when you make an elephant sound, and a bear/tiger/dinosaur/lion sound, your love for grapes (and how we have to hide them from you if we want you to eat other things first), that you still let me rock you and snuggle with you occasionally, but that you can go to sleep without having to be rocked, that God gave you to us...

I could go on and on but I think you get the point ;) You are an amazing little girl and every day I get to spend with you is more treasured than the last. Thanks for playing with me and going along with some of my crazy ideas ;)

I love you little Ada-roo!
XOXO
Mommy







Sunday 13 January 2013

Eucharisteo

This past week, on the suggestion of a trusted friend and after reading the description on Amazon, I started reading the book One Thousand Gifts. It's written by a young woman (well, not too young as she has six kids!) desperate to live her life fully, free from bitterness and anger. Just that synopsis in and of itself was enough to convince me I needed to read this book. I am just to chapter four (trying to pace myself to a chapter a day so I can really take in each chapter) and I have started my own thousand gift list. I am eager to pour out my heart in thanksgiving to God, to fully embrace the full life, the joyful life, that Christ offers. I am so tired of living in myself, so wrapped up in me me me that I miss out on Him. Writing down my list, taking time to thank God for everything, requires of me more than a simple "thanks for everything". Ann Voskamp poetically describes it as this: "I discover that slapping a sloppy brush of thanksgiving over everything in my life leaves me deeply thankful for very few things in my life...life-changing gratitude does not fasten to a life unless nailed through with one very specific nail at a time."


It's funny, reading this book, because Sam and I, for several months now, have been, in a very small part, doing this on our own every Sunday. After long, painful trips of fighting and bickering on our way to church, we came to realize that Satan had been using Sunday morning run-out-the-door-we're-late rides to church to get inside our heads and our marriage and we were fed up. So now, on the way to church every Sunday, we are not allowed to talk about anything, we simply take turns sharing what we are thankful for in that moment. It has been amazing and revolutionary to see how that simple game, ten minutes out of our day, changes the tone of the rest of the day. I have been more free to worship God and love my husband than ever before. So I'm so excited to see how such a seemingly simple idea, one thousand gifts, will radically change my attitude, my heart focus, and the way I interact with my family.

a few graces on my list tonight:
The ticking of the clock, it keeps me sane!
indie, cuddled up at my feet, doing her best to protect me while Sam is at work
Ada's little sighs and coos, reminding me of her life and life giving joy.
the 7am hour, as that is when Sam comes home from work, when he can come cuddle with me, before Ada will wake up.

"God is not in need of magnifying by us so small, but the reverse. It's our lives that are little and we have falsely inflated self, and in thanks we decrease and the world returns right. I say thanks and I swell with Him, and I swell the world and He stirs me, joy all afoot." Xoxo

Wednesday 9 January 2013

The Night I Died

In my sinful, prideful, secret cove of my heart, I don't want to put to words the things that have been swirling inside me for almost two weeks. But I feel so compelled, almost forced, to type them. As I sat rocking my sweet daughter back to sleep, the pressure inside my body and my mind physically hurt. I have to do this. Because there is too much at stake.

Let me go back to that night, two weeks ago, when death greeted me in my dark, cold, lonely bedroom.

Sam was working third shift, so I was alone in our bed, trying my best to sleep with the pillows as a makeshift big spoon. I had finally dozed off and my mind began its nightly ritual of entertaining me from within. I was in some kind of a field/factory/ruin, surrounded by strangers, family, friends, and acquaintances. We were doing some kind of physical labor, but not necessarily disheartened about it. There was a sense of comraderie and familiarity between us all, and the mood was light. In an instant, a medium-sized piece of shrapnel blazed to the earth before us and collided with the earth in a shattering BOOM. As in any good action movie, I watched dirt and debris fly out from the spot and people jump for cover. When the moment passed, those of us unharmed stood to survey the damage - several people hurt, fewer dead. What had happened? I remember feeling (in my dream) confused and yet also relieved - life would go on. But just as I was about to return to my work, another larger piece of shrapnel rocketed through the sky and before it landed, I dropped to the ground, covered my head in my arms, and shut my eyes as tight as I could. It was in that instant that I teetered between wakefulness and this dream-turned-nightmare. In real life, I was also clenching my eyes shut. I remember thinking, no, hoping, that I would continue towards being awake. But I remained in that middle zone, watching my dream finish even while my mind was aware that I was no longer in that field. Usually, in a dream like this, I wake up right in the nick of time - right before something terrible and terminal happens. Not so in this dream. I was forced to watch myself be killed, and then approach the gates of heaven. I heard, in the most terrifying and awful voice, the words "Depart from me, I never knew you." And then BAM. I was awake. And bawling. I could not get a hold of myself. Did I really just watch myself be rejected from the court of my King?

Since that night, I have tried (sometimes consciously, othertimes without even realizing I was doing it) to put the dream out of my memory. It was just a dream, right? But no, it feels like more than just a dream. Something deep within me knows that it is more than just a dream. I have imagined what it would be like to tell someone about my dream, what their reactions might be. Maybe you might try to convince me that I was crazy and that God loves me and because I go to church or confess Christ as my savior I have nothing to worry about. Maybe you would be right. Maybe you might tell me I am right. That I should drop to my knees and do whatever it takes to make sure I will be welcomed into heaven. Maybe you would also be right. Or maybe I need to stop thinking about what *you* would say and start dwelling on what God would tell me.

I have gone to church my whole life. I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't involved in some kind of service project or ministry. From working in the church nursery, to leading Young Life, to praying with my daughter at night, my life has always revolved around some aspect of my faith. But is it enough?

I am really good at answering questions in a way that will please others. What I mean is, I have become a pro at being honest without being vulnerable. Yeah, I struggle in my faith, but everyone does at some point. Yeah, I sin, but God is gracious and forgiving. But is it enough?

I wish I could say that since my dream, my life has been radically different. That I pray unceasingly and volunteer all my free time. That I have started to care about Christ more than I care about myself and what others think of me.
But that would be a lie.


So that is why I need to write this blog. Because I need to confess to all the *yous* out there, that I have failed. I am a liar. A fraud. A hypocrite. I am lazy, selfish, and prideful. God is not the center of my life, of my heart, or of my mind. And I am on the road to death

But I am desperate to change. I am committing, here and now, to devote my waking hour to the studying of scripture, and to listening to the voice of God. I know it's so little to offer a God who is so Great. But I'm afraid if I try to do more, I will fail even worse. So I am trusting that God will go before me and convict me along the way to offer more and more until I am finally a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to Him.


Pray with me



Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.