Wednesday, 29 August 2012
Pride
"As he walked, he prayed. With each step he felt gradually lighter, like a man carrying a heavy pack through a desert who decides what he once thought essential no longer is, and begins to cast aside his burden, piece by piece."
Things I once thought essential but no longer are (aka burdens):
Perfection
Superiority
Selfishness
This is a working list. I am still in the middle of the desert, learning what things are worth carrying through the fires. Hard to learn when you keep telling yourself you are strong enough to carry them all. Like a dog returning to its vomit, I am.
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
My Mustard Seed.
You ever have one of those days where you just have to write down the events that took place? Today was one of those days. One of those days I know I’ll never forget. I won’t go into detail for the sake of keeping SOME part of my life a mystery. But I’ll say that it has been one of those days where God breaks you into a million pieces, then shows you the ugliness within the broken pieces, then leaves you begging to be broken into a million more. I spent most of the day struggling between wanting to rejoice in my own selfishness and celebrate a loved one’s sorrows. What kind of person have I become?? Not one that I’d ever want to be friends with. Here I am, struggling because I am longing for depth and substance in my relationships, yet my own heart lacks depth and compassion. I was brought to the verse in Psalms where the Psalmist is beseeching God to create in Him a clean heart. I want that. I want God to do that for me. But my heart is so hard and my spirit so poisoned that I was even struggling to find within me an ounce of genuine desire to be able to pray that prayer. Who have I become? This is not the person I imagined myself being 5 years ago. And yet, here I am. Ugly, selfish, prideful. Wanting God to break me a hundred times more, yet not really wanting anything to do with God, all at the same time. And as I’m on my knees before my husband, hiding my depravity behind humor and sarcasm, the song “Love is not a fight” comes on my Pandora station. Oh God, you care. How you care for me… I am weeping. I’ve tried so hard all day to laugh and bury my feelings of disgust in myself deep within my blackened heart. But God is steadfast in His love. He does not want to leave me this way. As hard as I fight him, it takes but one song to break me. As I weep at the feet of the man I love most on this earth, Warren Barfield singing in the background, I am wrapped up in the love my Savior lavishes upon me. In these approximately 4 minutes, my heart floods with all those things I thought had long been snuffed out. My husband embracing me, my puppy licking me, and my daughter fighting to get near to my heart, a girl can’t ask for more. There’s so much in this world that begs for our pursuit. Some of it even seems righteous. But when we leave behind the God of it all, we leave behind everything. And that is as transparently vague as I can possibly be. Christ have mercy, mea culpa.
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Writings of a Rambler
I know I've been writing these in a letter format to Ada, but today, I need to just write.
I can't believe it's only been 2 months since I last posted. With all that's happened, it feels like years! It's so amazing how much one little baby can change in such a short amount of time. She is growing into such a beautiful small child. Since my last post, she's mastered sitting up (and can almost go from lying down to sitting up on her own) and gets into EVERYTHING. She doesn't seem to be interested in crawling, probably because rolling and scooting is a lot more fun? Some of her favorite things to play with include already chewed dog toys (YUCK ADELAIDE!), cell phones (her favorite flavor seems to be purple), princesses, plasticized versions of the animals from noah's ark (specifically the giraffes), and Indie's ears (though of all the above, these are the hardest to come by). We've been slowly introducing solids (and I mean it when I say slowly - I dread the day she is eating enough solids to cut out a feeding because the times she nurses are the times I get to spend with her at work) Depending on our mood, she either gets pureed food (homemade with my awesome Baby Brezza, thanks mama!), steamed finger foods, or a combination of the two. We have yet to witness an aversion to anything - this girl is definitely a Banfield. She loves to eat. And I mean LOVES to eat. Just putting her in her highchair can stop the highest level of scream (we can talk "levels of scream" later...) We keep trying to find foods she won't like, or will at least have a strong reaction to, but she mostly just smiles when we give her something to put in her mouth. (even straight up lemon received smiles and reaching for more!) But I love it. It is so much fun to watch her eat. (Who knew it could be so entertaining to watch a baby chew??) And a couple of weeks ago, she sprouted two of the cutest little teeth you ever did see, so now we've entered a whole new world of chewing, one that no longer includes the occasional offer of my finger to chew on - ouch!
(Speaking of chewing, she just found the dog's half chewed bone again! I am really starting to think she's made some kind of deal with Indigo...) She is living up to our nickname for her - Ada Roo - because anytime her feet are dangling, they are kicking. Sam says she can be a swimmer one day but she has to wear a full body wet suit. ;) I'm pulling for her to be a soccer player, simply for nostalgia's sake (shout out to my long lost bff Whitney, if you ever read this!)
Since becoming a mom, I've come to terms with the fact that I will never be the same again. I know this is cliche and sort of a no-brainer, but let me explain. To start out, there's the obvious fact that my body will never be the same again. Which is, you know, par for the course. But my hormones? When do those go back to normal? I really think I could be the spokesperson for Emotional Rollercoaster Inc. I mean, who gets mad about their husband helping to cook dinner and then in the next breath is laughing uncontrollably at almost nothing? Someone please tell me this will end! Aside from the obvious though, there's the constant worry that something is wrong (is that sweet potato or a cancerous tumor?!) and the struggle to maintain any sort of normal conversation that doesn't revolve around poop or sleep schedules. But like I said, I've come to terms with it all because, well, my daughter is the best thing since peanut butter on sliced bread topped with bananas and honey and broiled. Just sitting here listening to her squeals and babbles and raspberries makes me forget how I used to be and love how things are.
Speaking of how things are, why is it so hard to stop looking at the neighbor's yard? What I mean is, why does the grass always look greener? I can't help but long for the lives of those around me. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE my family and our life here in NC. But there are things I miss about my life in TN - specifically PEOPLE I miss. I miss having a place where I was being fed, and a place where I could pour into others. Not only that, I find myself more and more struggling with the desire to be a SAHM. (look it up ;) I mourn every moment I have to be away from Ada. I absolutely LOVE my job, but I daydream about all that I could be doing with my own baby girl. Sam and I finally got to the point where we figured out I could finish out the school year with my kids and then stay home in June. So I started my countdown. But it seems with each day is a new obstacle, a new reason to keep me from quitting. Sometimes it's a superficial reason - if I keep working, I can keep buying Ada cute shoes (and oh my gosh baby shoes are the CUTEST). But other times they are legitimate reasons. And other times it's my own struggle with feeling like I'm letting someone down. If I quit my job, I feel like I'll be letting my coworkers and the kids down. And even my family. Then there's the whole problem of me loving my job - I will really really miss it. I'll miss the people, the kids, the excitement of seeing a kid learn something new. I'll miss the interaction. The parties! The funny stories. But will I miss it enough to sacrifice time with my own daughter? I don't know. And of course there's the financial struggle. I know we can do without, and I know it will be worth it. But what if...? I spend too much of my time and mind on weighing all my options. Why can't it be easy? I'm afraid if I make the wrong decision, it will ruin everything. I wish I could trust God like he deserves to be trusted. Pray for me? For us? I know the answer seems obvious - that Ada is worth it all. But is that God's will or is it my will? Or both? I don't know...
Here's what I do know:
My daughter is the cutest. You can think differently, but I know she is ;)
How can you not love this face??!
I can't believe it's only been 2 months since I last posted. With all that's happened, it feels like years! It's so amazing how much one little baby can change in such a short amount of time. She is growing into such a beautiful small child. Since my last post, she's mastered sitting up (and can almost go from lying down to sitting up on her own) and gets into EVERYTHING. She doesn't seem to be interested in crawling, probably because rolling and scooting is a lot more fun? Some of her favorite things to play with include already chewed dog toys (YUCK ADELAIDE!), cell phones (her favorite flavor seems to be purple), princesses, plasticized versions of the animals from noah's ark (specifically the giraffes), and Indie's ears (though of all the above, these are the hardest to come by). We've been slowly introducing solids (and I mean it when I say slowly - I dread the day she is eating enough solids to cut out a feeding because the times she nurses are the times I get to spend with her at work) Depending on our mood, she either gets pureed food (homemade with my awesome Baby Brezza, thanks mama!), steamed finger foods, or a combination of the two. We have yet to witness an aversion to anything - this girl is definitely a Banfield. She loves to eat. And I mean LOVES to eat. Just putting her in her highchair can stop the highest level of scream (we can talk "levels of scream" later...) We keep trying to find foods she won't like, or will at least have a strong reaction to, but she mostly just smiles when we give her something to put in her mouth. (even straight up lemon received smiles and reaching for more!) But I love it. It is so much fun to watch her eat. (Who knew it could be so entertaining to watch a baby chew??) And a couple of weeks ago, she sprouted two of the cutest little teeth you ever did see, so now we've entered a whole new world of chewing, one that no longer includes the occasional offer of my finger to chew on - ouch!
(Speaking of chewing, she just found the dog's half chewed bone again! I am really starting to think she's made some kind of deal with Indigo...) She is living up to our nickname for her - Ada Roo - because anytime her feet are dangling, they are kicking. Sam says she can be a swimmer one day but she has to wear a full body wet suit. ;) I'm pulling for her to be a soccer player, simply for nostalgia's sake (shout out to my long lost bff Whitney, if you ever read this!)
Since becoming a mom, I've come to terms with the fact that I will never be the same again. I know this is cliche and sort of a no-brainer, but let me explain. To start out, there's the obvious fact that my body will never be the same again. Which is, you know, par for the course. But my hormones? When do those go back to normal? I really think I could be the spokesperson for Emotional Rollercoaster Inc. I mean, who gets mad about their husband helping to cook dinner and then in the next breath is laughing uncontrollably at almost nothing? Someone please tell me this will end! Aside from the obvious though, there's the constant worry that something is wrong (is that sweet potato or a cancerous tumor?!) and the struggle to maintain any sort of normal conversation that doesn't revolve around poop or sleep schedules. But like I said, I've come to terms with it all because, well, my daughter is the best thing since peanut butter on sliced bread topped with bananas and honey and broiled. Just sitting here listening to her squeals and babbles and raspberries makes me forget how I used to be and love how things are.
Speaking of how things are, why is it so hard to stop looking at the neighbor's yard? What I mean is, why does the grass always look greener? I can't help but long for the lives of those around me. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE my family and our life here in NC. But there are things I miss about my life in TN - specifically PEOPLE I miss. I miss having a place where I was being fed, and a place where I could pour into others. Not only that, I find myself more and more struggling with the desire to be a SAHM. (look it up ;) I mourn every moment I have to be away from Ada. I absolutely LOVE my job, but I daydream about all that I could be doing with my own baby girl. Sam and I finally got to the point where we figured out I could finish out the school year with my kids and then stay home in June. So I started my countdown. But it seems with each day is a new obstacle, a new reason to keep me from quitting. Sometimes it's a superficial reason - if I keep working, I can keep buying Ada cute shoes (and oh my gosh baby shoes are the CUTEST). But other times they are legitimate reasons. And other times it's my own struggle with feeling like I'm letting someone down. If I quit my job, I feel like I'll be letting my coworkers and the kids down. And even my family. Then there's the whole problem of me loving my job - I will really really miss it. I'll miss the people, the kids, the excitement of seeing a kid learn something new. I'll miss the interaction. The parties! The funny stories. But will I miss it enough to sacrifice time with my own daughter? I don't know. And of course there's the financial struggle. I know we can do without, and I know it will be worth it. But what if...? I spend too much of my time and mind on weighing all my options. Why can't it be easy? I'm afraid if I make the wrong decision, it will ruin everything. I wish I could trust God like he deserves to be trusted. Pray for me? For us? I know the answer seems obvious - that Ada is worth it all. But is that God's will or is it my will? Or both? I don't know...
Here's what I do know:
My daughter is the cutest. You can think differently, but I know she is ;)
How can you not love this face??!
Tuesday, 21 February 2012
Time after Time
My Sweet Adelaide,
We have been having too much fun, which must be why time is FLYING by! Happy 5 month birthday!(well, 5 months and 4 days now!) The past couple months have seen a lot of growth and you are starting to show more and more personality. Since I posted last, you've had your 4 month check up which included 2 more shots and a vaccine by mouth (yuck, sorry!). The doctor was very pleased with your progress (15lbs 3oz, 25 inches long) and you are hitting milestones like nobody's business. Last week, we had to take you to the doc again because you started running a fever and gunk was coming out your eye faster than we could clean it (makes for some crusty morning eyes!) The crazy doctor prescribed you amoxicillin, which until last night I held off on giving to you because I hoped your body would fight the infection on its own (it did a darn good job, just wore you out and we finally decided to give your body some rest and help it out a little) Right now you are sleeping soundly in your crib while shaneandshane pandora station sings sweetly through your dreams :) On the night before you turned 5 months, you wowed us by sitting completely unsupported for several minutes, and even with a few sways and near-falls, you were able to catch yourself and push yourself back up. Good work!! You can roll all over the place and are starting to get frustrated enough that I believe you will be crawling really soon! We are so proud of you and everyday is so much fun! You are such a happy baby and lately your sweet giggles have transformed even the worst of moods. Today daddy and I have both been fighting headaches, but when you're around, they don't seem so bad (even when you are screeching/stretching your vocal chords and figuring out all the sounds you can make) Indie and you are becoming buddies and we love watching your face light up everytime she comes near you (and seeing you search for her when she leaves) Ah, sweet girl, you make my heart burst. I can't wait until you wake up and share your precious smile with us again. Until then, sweetest of dreams. Your mommy and daddy think the world of you.
We have been having too much fun, which must be why time is FLYING by! Happy 5 month birthday!(well, 5 months and 4 days now!) The past couple months have seen a lot of growth and you are starting to show more and more personality. Since I posted last, you've had your 4 month check up which included 2 more shots and a vaccine by mouth (yuck, sorry!). The doctor was very pleased with your progress (15lbs 3oz, 25 inches long) and you are hitting milestones like nobody's business. Last week, we had to take you to the doc again because you started running a fever and gunk was coming out your eye faster than we could clean it (makes for some crusty morning eyes!) The crazy doctor prescribed you amoxicillin, which until last night I held off on giving to you because I hoped your body would fight the infection on its own (it did a darn good job, just wore you out and we finally decided to give your body some rest and help it out a little) Right now you are sleeping soundly in your crib while shaneandshane pandora station sings sweetly through your dreams :) On the night before you turned 5 months, you wowed us by sitting completely unsupported for several minutes, and even with a few sways and near-falls, you were able to catch yourself and push yourself back up. Good work!! You can roll all over the place and are starting to get frustrated enough that I believe you will be crawling really soon! We are so proud of you and everyday is so much fun! You are such a happy baby and lately your sweet giggles have transformed even the worst of moods. Today daddy and I have both been fighting headaches, but when you're around, they don't seem so bad (even when you are screeching/stretching your vocal chords and figuring out all the sounds you can make) Indie and you are becoming buddies and we love watching your face light up everytime she comes near you (and seeing you search for her when she leaves) Ah, sweet girl, you make my heart burst. I can't wait until you wake up and share your precious smile with us again. Until then, sweetest of dreams. Your mommy and daddy think the world of you.
Saturday, 31 December 2011
What I like about you.
Sweet Adelaide,
I'm sorry that I've not written in a few weeks. I did handwrite you a letter that maybe someday I'll type and add on here. Until then, it will be in your baby book :)
My, how much can change in a matter of a few weeks!! You are not the same little newborn I wrote to in my last post. No, now you are officially an infant!! Congrats! With infancy, you've already accomplished so much! You can roll from your tummy to your back (thank goodness because being on your tummy is pretty much the worst, at least in your mind!) you can almost roll from back to tummy with a little help. You can sit up by yourself for approximately .35 seconds. And we've upped our sit up reps to ten! What a champ you are. These past few weeks have been especially fun because you've started giggling with (at?) us, which is definitely the greatest sound in the universe. As I watch you grow and literally show off something new everyday, I can't help but chronicle my list of top favorite things you do that make my heart swell. It's an ever growing list and will probably never be finished, but here are some of the things I've already added: I call it my "What I like (love) about you" list (cue The Romantics (and yes, I did have to google who sings that song))
1. I love the smile that takes over your whole face when I lay you in your crib and you see your mobile
2. I love when you can't decide whether to be happy or sad so you pout your lip out then smile real big.
3. I love when you're lying on your play mat with your little bird friend and you get excited because you made it sing, either by kicking the post or grabbing the ring
4. I love when you're nursing and all the sudden you just start smiling and giggle.
5. I love when you're crying and it sounds just like you're saying "mama I need milk!"
6. I love when you try to grab my face when I'm talking to you
7. I love when you snuggle your face into my shoulder
8. I love the joy that lights up your face when you accomplish something
9. I love when you see yourself in the mirror and grin and hide your face
10. I love that God can use you, at just 3 months old, to teach me lessons on how to be more Christlike. Imagine what He will do through you as you continue to grow and mature! I can't wait.
You are treasured, my little Ada Roo!!
I'm sorry that I've not written in a few weeks. I did handwrite you a letter that maybe someday I'll type and add on here. Until then, it will be in your baby book :)
My, how much can change in a matter of a few weeks!! You are not the same little newborn I wrote to in my last post. No, now you are officially an infant!! Congrats! With infancy, you've already accomplished so much! You can roll from your tummy to your back (thank goodness because being on your tummy is pretty much the worst, at least in your mind!) you can almost roll from back to tummy with a little help. You can sit up by yourself for approximately .35 seconds. And we've upped our sit up reps to ten! What a champ you are. These past few weeks have been especially fun because you've started giggling with (at?) us, which is definitely the greatest sound in the universe. As I watch you grow and literally show off something new everyday, I can't help but chronicle my list of top favorite things you do that make my heart swell. It's an ever growing list and will probably never be finished, but here are some of the things I've already added: I call it my "What I like (love) about you" list (cue The Romantics (and yes, I did have to google who sings that song))
1. I love the smile that takes over your whole face when I lay you in your crib and you see your mobile
2. I love when you can't decide whether to be happy or sad so you pout your lip out then smile real big.
3. I love when you're lying on your play mat with your little bird friend and you get excited because you made it sing, either by kicking the post or grabbing the ring
4. I love when you're nursing and all the sudden you just start smiling and giggle.
5. I love when you're crying and it sounds just like you're saying "mama I need milk!"
6. I love when you try to grab my face when I'm talking to you
7. I love when you snuggle your face into my shoulder
8. I love the joy that lights up your face when you accomplish something
9. I love when you see yourself in the mirror and grin and hide your face
10. I love that God can use you, at just 3 months old, to teach me lessons on how to be more Christlike. Imagine what He will do through you as you continue to grow and mature! I can't wait.
You are treasured, my little Ada Roo!!
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
Growing right along!
Sweet Adelaide,
I'm sorry I haven't written in a couple weeks. Our little family has been under the weather and sleeping excessively as a result (you included!). Right now Daddy is at church about to teach the youth on the importance of "right sizing" God. He is such a blessing to so many people. You and I are just hanging out, snuggling together and enjoying some alone time. Lately I can't seem to get enough time with you to satisfy. You are growing so fast and my heart just wants to hold on to these moments while I can. I am so excited to watch you grow and see the girl/woman you become. But I am also loving the tiny you that can snuggle on my chest and be held in the crook of my arm. You are so precious. Recently you've become more interested in the things around you. The other night, I laid you on your back underneath the little bird that sings when you swing him. You were content to make him swing for almost an hour. You would kick your legs against the pole until he was swinging fast enough to sing and then smile really big. I tried to video it but unfortunately i would miss the best moments. I snuck over to the nursery earlier today and watched you lying in your crib smiling up at the mobile. You've also been holding your head up for long stretches of time and can lift your head neck and shoulders off the ground while lying on your tummy (though you still hate tummy time). Newborn clothes officially don't fit you and I'm sad to say, some of your 0-3 month clothes are already looking a bit snug. Last week we took you to the doctor with what we thought might've been an ear infection (a case of the "everybody else is worried and urging you to call the doc"). Fortunately you came away with a viral cold diagnosis and the knowledge that you have gained a little over 3 and a half pounds in the past (almost) 3 months (you weigh 11lbs 10 oz). We are so blessed by you, sweet girl, and look forward to crooning over every little milestone you reach. We know God has huge things in store for your life and pray that you will live out of His will.
With love abundant,
Your mama
P.S. Do not follow my grammatical example. Your late great grandfather bushing would Be appalled at my lack of grammatically sound sentences and paragraphs. But this is a blog, and I'm typing on thr iPad, so it makes it more challenging ;)
I'm sorry I haven't written in a couple weeks. Our little family has been under the weather and sleeping excessively as a result (you included!). Right now Daddy is at church about to teach the youth on the importance of "right sizing" God. He is such a blessing to so many people. You and I are just hanging out, snuggling together and enjoying some alone time. Lately I can't seem to get enough time with you to satisfy. You are growing so fast and my heart just wants to hold on to these moments while I can. I am so excited to watch you grow and see the girl/woman you become. But I am also loving the tiny you that can snuggle on my chest and be held in the crook of my arm. You are so precious. Recently you've become more interested in the things around you. The other night, I laid you on your back underneath the little bird that sings when you swing him. You were content to make him swing for almost an hour. You would kick your legs against the pole until he was swinging fast enough to sing and then smile really big. I tried to video it but unfortunately i would miss the best moments. I snuck over to the nursery earlier today and watched you lying in your crib smiling up at the mobile. You've also been holding your head up for long stretches of time and can lift your head neck and shoulders off the ground while lying on your tummy (though you still hate tummy time). Newborn clothes officially don't fit you and I'm sad to say, some of your 0-3 month clothes are already looking a bit snug. Last week we took you to the doctor with what we thought might've been an ear infection (a case of the "everybody else is worried and urging you to call the doc"). Fortunately you came away with a viral cold diagnosis and the knowledge that you have gained a little over 3 and a half pounds in the past (almost) 3 months (you weigh 11lbs 10 oz). We are so blessed by you, sweet girl, and look forward to crooning over every little milestone you reach. We know God has huge things in store for your life and pray that you will live out of His will.
With love abundant,
Your mama
P.S. Do not follow my grammatical example. Your late great grandfather bushing would Be appalled at my lack of grammatically sound sentences and paragraphs. But this is a blog, and I'm typing on thr iPad, so it makes it more challenging ;)
Friday, 25 November 2011
Treasuring it all in my heart
Sweet Adelaide,
You are sleeping soundly in your crib right now. I hope you are having the sweetest of dreams. The past couple days with you have been great. You have been full of snuggles and smiles! Yesterday at Thanksgiving dinner you couldn't take your eyes off your great grandpa banfield. Take advantage of your time with your wonderful grandparents and learn as much as you can from them - they are all wonderful people! I've been studying you a lot lately, trying to take mental notes of the things you do so I can lock them away, treasure them in my heart for always. But in case I forget, I will write them here. You've been really into standing lately. Of course, not on your own, but while holding my thumbs in your precious little hands. It's so fun to watch you pull and push with all your might to go from a semi-reclined position to a standing one. As soon as you get all the way up, you grin from ear to ear. To see the look of joy on your face when you succeed in doing what you set out to do... I imagine it will only continue to melt my heart as you get older and the task gets bigger. There are those tines though when I know you are truly our daughter because you get so frustrated when you can't do something - part of the reason you hate tummy time so much. It frustrates you to no end that you can't already pick your head up and crawl around. Sometimes I'll get down on my tummy and encourage you and it always amazes me how much harder you try when I am down there with you. I hope your daddy and I can continue to encourage you and cheer for you in everything and that no goal will be too high for you. I love you so much sweet girl. There's so much more I can say, but you've already been asleep an hour and that's one less hour of sleep for me! I can't wait to see your smiling face in the morning. :)
You are sleeping soundly in your crib right now. I hope you are having the sweetest of dreams. The past couple days with you have been great. You have been full of snuggles and smiles! Yesterday at Thanksgiving dinner you couldn't take your eyes off your great grandpa banfield. Take advantage of your time with your wonderful grandparents and learn as much as you can from them - they are all wonderful people! I've been studying you a lot lately, trying to take mental notes of the things you do so I can lock them away, treasure them in my heart for always. But in case I forget, I will write them here. You've been really into standing lately. Of course, not on your own, but while holding my thumbs in your precious little hands. It's so fun to watch you pull and push with all your might to go from a semi-reclined position to a standing one. As soon as you get all the way up, you grin from ear to ear. To see the look of joy on your face when you succeed in doing what you set out to do... I imagine it will only continue to melt my heart as you get older and the task gets bigger. There are those tines though when I know you are truly our daughter because you get so frustrated when you can't do something - part of the reason you hate tummy time so much. It frustrates you to no end that you can't already pick your head up and crawl around. Sometimes I'll get down on my tummy and encourage you and it always amazes me how much harder you try when I am down there with you. I hope your daddy and I can continue to encourage you and cheer for you in everything and that no goal will be too high for you. I love you so much sweet girl. There's so much more I can say, but you've already been asleep an hour and that's one less hour of sleep for me! I can't wait to see your smiling face in the morning. :)
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