I can't believe it's only been 2 months since I last posted. With all that's happened, it feels like years! It's so amazing how much one little baby can change in such a short amount of time. She is growing into such a beautiful small child. Since my last post, she's mastered sitting up (and can almost go from lying down to sitting up on her own) and gets into EVERYTHING. She doesn't seem to be interested in crawling, probably because rolling and scooting is a lot more fun? Some of her favorite things to play with include already chewed dog toys (YUCK ADELAIDE!), cell phones (her favorite flavor seems to be purple), princesses, plasticized versions of the animals from noah's ark (specifically the giraffes), and Indie's ears (though of all the above, these are the hardest to come by). We've been slowly introducing solids (and I mean it when I say slowly - I dread the day she is eating enough solids to cut out a feeding because the times she nurses are the times I get to spend with her at work) Depending on our mood, she either gets pureed food (homemade with my awesome Baby Brezza, thanks mama!), steamed finger foods, or a combination of the two. We have yet to witness an aversion to anything - this girl is definitely a Banfield. She loves to eat. And I mean LOVES to eat. Just putting her in her highchair can stop the highest level of scream (we can talk "levels of scream" later...) We keep trying to find foods she won't like, or will at least have a strong reaction to, but she mostly just smiles when we give her something to put in her mouth. (even straight up lemon received smiles and reaching for more!) But I love it. It is so much fun to watch her eat. (Who knew it could be so entertaining to watch a baby chew??) And a couple of weeks ago, she sprouted two of the cutest little teeth you ever did see, so now we've entered a whole new world of chewing, one that no longer includes the occasional offer of my finger to chew on - ouch!
(Speaking of chewing, she just found the dog's half chewed bone again! I am really starting to think she's made some kind of deal with Indigo...) She is living up to our nickname for her - Ada Roo - because anytime her feet are dangling, they are kicking. Sam says she can be a swimmer one day but she has to wear a full body wet suit. ;) I'm pulling for her to be a soccer player, simply for nostalgia's sake (shout out to my long lost bff Whitney, if you ever read this!)
Since becoming a mom, I've come to terms with the fact that I will never be the same again. I know this is cliche and sort of a no-brainer, but let me explain. To start out, there's the obvious fact that my body will never be the same again. Which is, you know, par for the course. But my hormones? When do those go back to normal? I really think I could be the spokesperson for Emotional Rollercoaster Inc. I mean, who gets mad about their husband helping to cook dinner and then in the next breath is laughing uncontrollably at almost nothing? Someone please tell me this will end! Aside from the obvious though, there's the constant worry that something is wrong (is that sweet potato or a cancerous tumor?!) and the struggle to maintain any sort of normal conversation that doesn't revolve around poop or sleep schedules. But like I said, I've come to terms with it all because, well, my daughter is the best thing since peanut butter on sliced bread topped with bananas and honey and broiled. Just sitting here listening to her squeals and babbles and raspberries makes me forget how I used to be and love how things are.
Speaking of how things are, why is it so hard to stop looking at the neighbor's yard? What I mean is, why does the grass always look greener? I can't help but long for the lives of those around me. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE my family and our life here in NC. But there are things I miss about my life in TN - specifically PEOPLE I miss. I miss having a place where I was being fed, and a place where I could pour into others. Not only that, I find myself more and more struggling with the desire to be a SAHM. (look it up ;) I mourn every moment I have to be away from Ada. I absolutely LOVE my job, but I daydream about all that I could be doing with my own baby girl. Sam and I finally got to the point where we figured out I could finish out the school year with my kids and then stay home in June. So I started my countdown. But it seems with each day is a new obstacle, a new reason to keep me from quitting. Sometimes it's a superficial reason - if I keep working, I can keep buying Ada cute shoes (and oh my gosh baby shoes are the CUTEST). But other times they are legitimate reasons. And other times it's my own struggle with feeling like I'm letting someone down. If I quit my job, I feel like I'll be letting my coworkers and the kids down. And even my family. Then there's the whole problem of me loving my job - I will really really miss it. I'll miss the people, the kids, the excitement of seeing a kid learn something new. I'll miss the interaction. The parties! The funny stories. But will I miss it enough to sacrifice time with my own daughter? I don't know. And of course there's the financial struggle. I know we can do without, and I know it will be worth it. But what if...? I spend too much of my time and mind on weighing all my options. Why can't it be easy? I'm afraid if I make the wrong decision, it will ruin everything. I wish I could trust God like he deserves to be trusted. Pray for me? For us? I know the answer seems obvious - that Ada is worth it all. But is that God's will or is it my will? Or both? I don't know...
Here's what I do know:
My daughter is the cutest. You can think differently, but I know she is ;)
How can you not love this face??!
