Dreamweaverrrr...

"Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you

Whom you love, I'll love
How you serve, I'll serve
If this life I lose
I will follow you."

So last night I had a dream. It was one of those dreams that is so vivid you think you should be able to remember even the smells and sounds from it. When I woke up, my first thought was, "That was SUCH an awesome dream." But later that morning, as my drowsiness lifted and my mind became clearer, I walked back through the dream and started thinking that maybe it wasn't such a great dream after all.

Here's how it went:

I was standing in a line. There were all kinds of people standing around, some anxious, some excited, everyone chattering animatedly. Tiffany was with me and my level of excitement was so high I thought I would burst. We were waiting in line to enter this small alcove in the wall where we would squat down and prepare for something similar to an anvil to fall on us and essentially kill us. It was the rapture with a twist. God was calling us home and this was his avenue of getting us there. In the dream, I was breathless with anticipation. I didn't care that I was about to die. That a ton of weight would crush me to death. I was looking forward to being with Jesus. When it came my turn, the dream changed from first person to third person - I was on the outside looking in, watching my own death. The "anvil" struck and almost immediately I was transported to an empty room where everyone I've ever loved was there waiting. I'm talking family members, those I am close with and those that I haven't been able to see in years; friends from elementary school, middle school, high school, and college; young life friends; European friends - everyone was there that I've always wished could be in one place. But though I was excited and surprised to see them, my overwhelming emotion was one of disappointment. Where was God? I was desperate to find Him. All the sudden the room was surrounded by doors. I went through one into another room with even more doors. The dream continued like this - me desperate to find the right door and failing in every attempt. And then I woke up.

The dream was so real and so vivid that I knew there must be a reason I had this dream.

As I prayed about it and thought about it, this is the conclusion I came to:

God is reminding me that in this life and the next, He is the most important thing. And apart from Him, nothing is right. I tend to get caught up in the blessings of life - my wonderful husband, my incredible family, my new and blossoming friendships - and I think that my joy and contentment come from those blessings. But God is so gracious and patient to remind me that any joy or contentment I have comes from Him alone. The blessings can bring happiness and inspire in me an attitude of thankfulness, but it is all to give the Father glory. He is all that matters.

So to my family, my friends, my husband (who I don't even think reads this ;) and anyone else in my sphere of loving influence - I love you dearly. But if I had to choose between you and the God who created me, I would choose Him every time. And my prayer is that you would do the same.

I love the song that I quoted in the beginning of this post. We sang it this morning in church and I battled tears the whole time. Because it is a hard promise to make, but because it is one that I have made and will continue to make everyday of my life on this earth. All for the God who sustains me and loves me and has a good and perfect plan for my life.

"If this life I lose, I will follow You."

Reflecting on our life...

And my heart may burst with thankfulness.

I love these two so much!!!!!(the first a lot more so than the second, but that goes without saying...)

Jehovah Jirah.

The Lord Provides. Even when it isn't in the way we think He should. We are learning this firsthand right now. God is so good and his plans work together for our good. I am really looking forward to the next life, but while I am given a breath in this one, I will rejoice and be glad in it. Jehovah Jirah. :)

Work... Except it's not really work.

So as I write this, there are 15 precious sleeping children all around me. (Talk about trying to not fall asleep!) I absolutely LOVE my job. I love the kids that are in my class. Each one of them really offers something so special.  Sam and I started watching the Christy series on Netflix.  I watched it a few summers back but we had been wanting to see it again.  If you haven't seen it (or better yet, read the book) I strongly recommend it.  We've only just finished the pilot episode but already I am loving it all over again.  The stories of the mountain folk and their rivalries and struggles and challenges is so fascinating to me.  I really love learning about other cultures and looking into why people are the way they are.  Because at the end of it all, we are all basically the same.  Each one of us has something special to offer, but at our cores, we crave the same things.  We crave peace. We crave companionship.  We long to be a part of something - something bigger than ourselves. The kids in my class express these core traits everyday.  The little girls are all the time complaining about each other and how so and so won't play with so and so.  The little boys are constantly trying to rescue one another from whatever bad guy lurks in the classroom that day.  And all of them seek my approval in everything.  "Mrs Heather! Watch this!" "Mrs Heather! Look what I made!". I admit, sometimes it's exhausting. But when I stop to think about it, it makes me smile.  We all want to be loved.  And in all that, whether we realize it or admit it, we all long desperately for a Creator, One that would stoop down into our filth, pick us up, and carry us off into the sunset because He is wild about us. And in those same small people I spend my days with, I see glimpses off that very Creator.  I see him in the way they smile at each other. The way the little girl who just doesn't quite fit in continues to love her classmates regardless of how they neglect her. The way the little boy sees his friend crying in a corner and walks over simply to offer his favorite toy to cheer his friend up.  I feel it in the way they squeeze me each morning when they first arrive.  I am so blessed to serve a God that has endowed each of his beloved children with the gift of being in His likeness.  I am so blessed to be surrounded by such beauty.  In all my days of flu-driven isolation, I found that while I really enjoy sleeping, there is a much greater satisfaction that comes from doing the work God has blessed me with.  I'm sorry that my posts don't really have clear, thought out and prepared topics.  Sometimes the mere wonder of God amazes me that I just ramble on and on about it.  I guess what I'm trying to say is I am so very thankful for the life God has given me and I pray I will be sensitive to every nudging of the Spirit in every moment of my life.

In other news, Sam's song "Dimples" was debuted on public radio this afternoon!  Of course, I have a vested interest in his music, and a special fondness for that song, so I was beyond excited.  Even though it was on AM radio and it was played by some friends from church, it's still the radio and it was still my husband's own song!  The neat thing is that one of his songs will be played each week for a month (unfortunately we missed the first week, stupid flu!) so next Thursday around 3:10, tune in to AM 590 if you live in the greater Rutherford area and show your support!  

Going to church...by myself?

So this morning, since I am still subjected to this bed, I didn't get to go to church with Sam. Not a terribly big deal, except that that is one of my most favorite places to be with him. But I am trying to make the best of all this, so I decided to just have my own church service here at home. People do it all the time, right? I played my worship songs (which was awesome because they played all my faves, which we all know is the most important part;) I spent time in prayer. I read my bible. And I even downloaded a sermon and listened to the whole thing. The only things missing were the standing and sitting and standing and sitting and ...the people. I've had a really great morning. I have. I've spent time with my Lord, which is always always always a blessing. But there's just something significantly off when "going to church" means staying by yourself. Isn't the whole premise of "the church" simply the believers? Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. Spending time one on one with Christ is awesome, nay, absolutely ESSENTIAL to being a Christ follower. But one thing God has blessed us with, especially here in America, and encourages us in is the presence of other believers in our life. Hebrews 10:25 even tells us to keep meeting together - don't give up on that precious time with other believers! There are a lot of Christians who are fine to sit at home Sunday mornings and watch the preacher on tv or listen to the latest podcast from Joel Osteen (gag). But they are really missing out. I am so thankful for our church family at Cornerstone. We have met some incredible people and are continually challenged and encouraged each Sunday and Wednesday we are there. I know it can be hard to find a church like ours. It can be draining, discouraging, and seemingly worthless. But there's a reason God tells us in Hebrews to not give up on it. Because He knows it is for our own good. A church provides support, teaching, fellowship, strength, perspective. It creates a networking system for us to serve, give, support, and pray for other believers. I know God can and does work in my life even on days like today when I can't make it to the church building. But because I belong to a local body of believers, I also know I have a whole congregation praying for me, loving me, and ready to teach and be taught by me and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I really didnt have a reason for writing this other than to say I can't wait to get to be back in the building at Cornerstone with my church family, worshipping the One True God.

It must be all the benadryl...

Well, it's been 2 years since I've done this whole web logging thing, and I hated it back then, so I'm not sure what I'm even doing here. Maybe it's the fact that I've been given strict orders to stay in bed and not have any fun. Or maybe it's because I'm still a little doped up on meds. I think though, it had to do with the fact that since Sam and I have been married, I have done a terrible job of keeping written reflection of our adventures. I used to journal. Kind of a lot, actually. I have 7 or 8 journals that follow my poor, hormonal self through trial after trial, blessing after blessing, from puberty to marriage. But something happened after I got married. I journaled some, but it wasn't really the same. I had someone with me every night to talk to. Journaling wasn't as necessary anymore. But I wish now that I had something to read, something to reflect on our first months, our first year. So this is my attempt to satisfy my own inconsistent and indecisive desires. Honestly, I don't expect anyone to really follow this. It is truly for my own humor and humiliation. But if you do choose to come along and be a part of our adventures, I cannot be held responsible :)