What I like about you.

Sweet Adelaide,

I'm sorry that I've not written in a few weeks. I did handwrite you a letter that maybe someday I'll type and add on here. Until then, it will be in your baby book :)

My, how much can change in a matter of a few weeks!! You are not the same little newborn I wrote to in my last post. No, now you are officially an infant!! Congrats! With infancy, you've already accomplished so much! You can roll from your tummy to your back (thank goodness because being on your tummy is pretty much the worst, at least in your mind!) you can almost roll from back to tummy with a little help. You can sit up by yourself for approximately .35 seconds. And we've upped our sit up reps to ten! What a champ you are. These past few weeks have been especially fun because you've started giggling with (at?) us, which is definitely the greatest sound in the universe. As I watch you grow and literally show off something new everyday, I can't help but chronicle my list of top favorite things you do that make my heart swell. It's an ever growing list and will probably never be finished, but here are some of the things I've already added: I call it my "What I like (love) about you" list (cue The Romantics (and yes, I did have to google who sings that song))

1. I love the smile that takes over your whole face when I lay you in your crib and you see your mobile

2. I love when you can't decide whether to be happy or sad so you pout your lip out then smile real big.

3. I love when you're lying on your play mat with your little bird friend and you get excited because you made it sing, either by kicking the post or grabbing the ring

4. I love when you're nursing and all the sudden you just start smiling and giggle.

5. I love when you're crying and it sounds just like you're saying "mama I need milk!"

6. I love when you try to grab my face when I'm talking to you

7. I love when you snuggle your face into my shoulder

8. I love the joy that lights up your face when you accomplish something

9. I love when you see yourself in the mirror and grin and hide your face

10. I love that God can use you, at just 3 months old, to teach me lessons on how to be more Christlike. Imagine what He will do through you as you continue to grow and mature! I can't wait.

You are treasured, my little Ada Roo!!

Growing right along!

Sweet Adelaide,

I'm sorry I haven't written in a couple weeks. Our little family has been under the weather and sleeping excessively as a result (you included!). Right now Daddy is at church about to teach the youth on the importance of "right sizing" God. He is such a blessing to so many people. You and I are just hanging out, snuggling together and enjoying some alone time. Lately I can't seem to get enough time with you to satisfy. You are growing so fast and my heart just wants to hold on to these moments while I can. I am so excited to watch you grow and see the girl/woman you become. But I am also loving the tiny you that can snuggle on my chest and be held in the crook of my arm. You are so precious. Recently you've become more interested in the things around you. The other night, I laid you on your back underneath the little bird that sings when you swing him. You were content to make him swing for almost an hour. You would kick your legs against the pole until he was swinging fast enough to sing and then smile really big. I tried to video it but unfortunately i would miss the best moments. I snuck over to the nursery earlier today and watched you lying in your crib smiling up at the mobile. You've also been holding your head up for long stretches of time and can lift your head neck and shoulders off the ground while lying on your tummy (though you still hate tummy time). Newborn clothes officially don't fit you and I'm sad to say, some of your 0-3 month clothes are already looking a bit snug. Last week we took you to the doctor with what we thought might've been an ear infection (a case of the "everybody else is worried and urging you to call the doc"). Fortunately you came away with a viral cold diagnosis and the knowledge that you have gained a little over 3 and a half pounds in the past (almost) 3 months (you weigh 11lbs 10 oz). We are so blessed by you, sweet girl, and look forward to crooning over every little milestone you reach. We know God has huge things in store for your life and pray that you will live out of His will.

With love abundant,
Your mama

P.S. Do not follow my grammatical example. Your late great grandfather bushing would Be appalled at my lack of grammatically sound sentences and paragraphs. But this is a blog, and I'm typing on thr iPad, so it makes it more challenging ;)

Treasuring it all in my heart

Sweet Adelaide,

You are sleeping soundly in your crib right now. I hope you are having the sweetest of dreams. The past couple days with you have been great. You have been full of snuggles and smiles! Yesterday at Thanksgiving dinner you couldn't take your eyes off your great grandpa banfield. Take advantage of your time with your wonderful grandparents and learn as much as you can from them - they are all wonderful people! I've been studying you a lot lately, trying to take mental notes of the things you do so I can lock them away, treasure them in my heart for always. But in case I forget, I will write them here. You've been really into standing lately. Of course, not on your own, but while holding my thumbs in your precious little hands. It's so fun to watch you pull and push with all your might to go from a semi-reclined position to a standing one. As soon as you get all the way up, you grin from ear to ear. To see the look of joy on your face when you succeed in doing what you set out to do... I imagine it will only continue to melt my heart as you get older and the task gets bigger. There are those tines though when I know you are truly our daughter because you get so frustrated when you can't do something - part of the reason you hate tummy time so much. It frustrates you to no end that you can't already pick your head up and crawl around. Sometimes I'll get down on my tummy and encourage you and it always amazes me how much harder you try when I am down there with you. I hope your daddy and I can continue to encourage you and cheer for you in everything and that no goal will be too high for you. I love you so much sweet girl. There's so much more I can say, but you've already been asleep an hour and that's one less hour of sleep for me! I can't wait to see your smiling face in the morning. :)

#iamthankful #part2

Sweet Adelaide,

Even though this post won't be much about you, I'm writing it to you so there will be no question about how much I love your daddy. This is my tribute to him and all (more like 2%) of the reasons I am thankful for him...

I am thankful for your daddy because he serves and loves the Lord above all else. You and I never have to worry about him leaving or being uninvolved because he seeks the will of God first and foremost (and contrary to popular culture, it is not the will of God for fathers to abandon their families)

I am thankful for your daddy because he loves me and is constantly looking for ways to show me that.

I am thankful for your daddy because he has a great sense of humor and makes me laugh (someday he'll make you laugh too!)

I am thankful for your daddy because he keeps me accountable to things and calls me out when I mess up.

I am thankful for your daddy because he prays for us.

I am thankful for your daddy because he's a great cuddler :)

I am thankful for your daddy because he could've married a lot of other girls, but he chose me.

I am thankful for your daddy because he is your daddy and without him, you would not be here!

I hope you never take for granted how blessed you are to have the daddy you do. Treasure every moment you get with him. Learn from him. Laugh with him. And one day, marry a man like him. Don't settle for anyone less!!

I love you baby girl. I can't wait to snuggle with you all weekend :)

#iamthankful

I love hashtags. I don't know why because I'm really not good at coming up with really clever ones like some people, but I just think they are fun. Anyway..

Sweet Adelaide,

I am incredibly thankful for you. I am thankful that my pregnancy with you was without problem. That I could still dance even that last week you were in my belly. That the worst thing I experienced were those first weeks of morning sickness. That you grew healthily despite my need to eat cereal and ice cream constantly. That you made it full term.

I am thankful that your birth went without hitch. That God gave me the strength to do it naturally. That things progressed quickly. That the doctor was wise and skilled in what he had to do. That the worst I had to endure was a few stitches. That you were healthy and breathing well from the get go. That they let me hold you immediately. That your daddy was there through it all, encouraging me and praying for me.

I am thankful that you took to nursing almost immediately. That I have enough milk to feed you. That you continue to grow everyday. That I get to steal away throughout the day and spend precious moments, just me and you.

I am thankful for your smile. Especially those early morning grins I get right after you eat. It sure makes waking up at 5 a joy rather than a burden.

I am thankful that you seem to enjoy daycare. That you are well taken care of and that you have the opportunity to develop social skills earlier in life.

I am thankful that you are such a good sleeper. That it is rare for you to wake up before 5. That you sleep in your crib without incident.

I am thankful for your red hair.

I am thankful that you get to grow up with family close by.

I am thankful that you have a loving, encouraging, and involved daddy. And that you two are already developing a special relationship.

Darling, I love you so much. I am thankful for you. You bring me joy. And teach me new attributes of God that I never could fully understand before now. And you make me love your daddy so much more. Without him, sweet girl, I believe we would fall to pieces. We are so blessed.

I am so blessed.

You are loved, beautiful. Time for bed now! Sweet dreams my precious Adelaide :)

Sweet Adelaide

It has been exactly 6 months since I last blogged. Which actually surprises me. It feels like it has been about 6 years. And to be honest, I haven't *reallY* missed it. But I randomly decided to read my old posts and it made me wish I had been blogging these past 6 months, simply because it reminded me of where I've been. And sometimes, we all need a reminder of where we've been to prove that we are actually headed somewhere (whether good or bad). So here I am, hoping to ignite a passion in myself once again for blogging. (my lighter fluid seems to leak everytime I fill it up, though..)

The past 6 months have been quite full. But it's the past 2 months that have been the most interesting (and for the thousands of you that follow me so faithfully, you can probably guess why ;) Our whole "life as we know it" turned upside down and backwards as the addition of the world's cutest baby was made to our simple little family. On September 17, 2011 at 11:15 am, our hearts grew twice their size as we held (and were peed on!) by little sweet Adelaide Sophia. She has transformed everything we thought we knew about life. You always hear people say things like "just wait, it's different when it's your own kid" (esp in regards to bowel movements) and "you'll feel differently when you have your own" and "you don't know real love until you have a baby" And while I've believed most of these things to be true, I never really believed any of them to be true. Poop is poop. Worrying is for the birds. And I know real love, duh! But now that Ada (which is pronounced A-duh, rhymes with beta) is here, poop is not so bad, worrying is a constant battle, and I know a new kind of love now. I always assumed that when you have a baby, the love you already have in your heart sort of just transfers over to your baby and you can control how much of it transfers (hence why some people "stop loving" their spouses and idolize their children) But that's not how it is at all. Rather than transferring love, I have a whole new deeper capability of loving. I still love God deeply. And I still love Sam wholeheartedly. But now I have another kind of love for my beautiful baby girl. What a beautiful, incredible thing God has gifted us with in this!

And speaking of Ada, I have decided to dedicate a portion of each post to her, as sort of a letter to her now for her future self to read and remember (even though she isn't capable of storing memories long term yet!) how much her mommy loves her and the things we experience together in these early years. So feel free to forego reading it, since it's really only meant for Adelaide. Or read it and be jealous that our daughter is the world's greatest. Your choice ;)

And now, to my sweet Adelaide,

We sure have come a long way these past 2 months. It's hard to believe that the sweet little girl snuggled into her daddy's arms right now is the same little girl that snuggled into my heart that Saturday morning. You have grown and changed so much. Since I am starting this 2 months into our relationship, occasionally I'll "flashback" to moments before now that strike me as memorable and note worthy. But for now, I'll dote on all the amazing things you do. For example, this past week was our first week learning to cope with being apart - you in Ms. Donna's room at the daycare and me around the corner with my preschoolers. We had our difficult moments, times when I was feeding you and ran out of time before you ran out of milk and I had to stop you and let Ms. Donna finish (not fun to see you cry and give me that look like "why aren't you feeding me, mom??") and we've had sweet moments where I get to just snuggle you and savor every sweet smile. But overall, we survived and, dare I say, thrived! Ms. Donna said today was the best day you had all week. You slept a lot, smiled a lot, and generally seemed to enjoy yourself. Which warms this mama's heart! It's still tricky trying to figure out the whole feeding thing, since you seem to just eat whenever someone offers food and ask for it when they don't. I have a hard time trying to find the balance between being a good, concerned and proactive mother and not wanting to spoil you or become too obsessive about everything. There is a very fine line, as it turns out. But just know that in all things, we seek the very best for you and pray that your daddy and I make the best most Godly decisions for your life, and that when we don't, we have the humility to admit our mistake. You are most treasured, little one, and every moment spent with you is a gift. It's funny, in the first few weeks, you spent most of your time sleeping or eating, and when you weren't doing either of those, we were doing everything we could to try to help you sleep. But now as you get older and stay awake longer, our efforts are focused less on getting you to sleep and more on getting you to smile. I can't tell you the joy it brings to us both when you bust out in a big, toothless grin. You really are the cutest little baby ever (no offense to all the other babies reading this, I'm sure you're cute, too ;) We look forward to watching you grow and learning how to best serve you and love you. Until next time, remember that we love you very much!
XOXO

p.s. You are a fantastic little sleeper. Thank you for that :)
p.p.s. Sorry for those times I ate spicy food without thought to what it would do to your poor digestive tract!

My life as a tornado

I can't believe it's been almost a month since my last post. Life is a whirlwind these days! We are in full swing for fundraising efforts for our St. Jude Trike-a-Thon at school. I'm not sure how I got roped into heading it up, but this is my second year doing it and again I ask myself, why did I sign up for this?? It is a lot of work and takes me out of the classroom far too much. I had a mini breakdown today after getting 5 hours of sleep and finding out that we barely made half of what we made last year at our yard sale. I know it's not my fault and I should be grateful we made anything, but I cant help but feel like I've let people down left and right. Even though I'm the last to admit it, I've overcommitted myself once again. I think I can be superwoman and do a million things at once, all on my own, and then I end up doing a million and a half things but only half way. I've spent the past two weeks trying to juggle making plans for 100 people to raise $6,000, teaching 18 five year olds and getting them ready for kindergarten, making our graduation slideshow, working at the coffee shop two nights a week, preparing for a baby (organizing and completely rearranging our whole house practically), trying to keep up my wifely duties, maintain a social life, find time to eat and sleep, and in those rare moments, breath and bask in the love of my creator. Unfortunately, (or maybe fortunately) I've reached the point where I am left with disappointments and regrets and all I can do now is remember my sinfulness and my desperate need for a Savior, for someone to help me pick the broken pieces up and make it through each day. For the strength of a Father who can lovingly remind me that I CANNOT DO ANYTHING ON MY OWN. It is freeing to know i am not alone.

This baby inside of me is also a reminder of how inadequate I am. I am constantly reminded of how insignificant my role in creating this child is. Nothing I can do can make her arms grow properly, her heart beat healthily, or her lungs breath sufficiently. Sure, there are precautions I can take and certain foods I can eat to aid in her development, but at the end of the day, I am not the one knitting her together. What a miracle. It blows my mind that someone can carry a life inside them and fail to be amazed to the point of complete surrender to the Holy One who ordains each heart beat. I am so humbled.

Life has a funny way of being. It can whisk you up and like a tornado sweep you through each day without you even realizing how far you've gone. And then in the next instant, slam you down and there you are, hair askew, dirty face, panting heavily and wondering what in the world just happened. And then you look around and see the mess you've made, but beyond that, the sun continuing to rise in beauty and splendor and in the midst of the devastation and destruction, you can't help but think how blessed you are to stay and watch the brilliant sunset at the end of the day with another breath and another chance.

I want to go to China.

Sam and I are watching a documentary all about China. What an incredibly interestin place with incredibly interesting people. Hopefully one day God will allow our little family to travel there. Maybe even live there!

In other news, we're having a little baby girl! She is seemingly healthy and has, according to the u/s tech, very long legs. But she cant really help that, can she? We are so excited and I have to admit, all I ever want to do these days is shop for baby girl things. We've already bought two outfits and a bunch of hair bows haha. And yes, we do have a name temporarily picked out, but we are keeping it a secret, at least for now :).

Now that I've, for the most part, stopped getting sick everyday, I have slowly gotten back into the habit of eating more than crackers and Ginger ale. Sam joked today that he was glad to see that i was finally craving things, or rather, wanting the same things I always wanted before. No strange or strong cravings here. I mostly just LOVE fruit, especially if it comes blended up with yogurt. Yum! And I still eat approx 2.8 bowls of cereal every day. And occasionally have a hankering for a carton of ice cream. :). My awesome husband also surprised me this morning with a humongous bag of pistachios from Sam's club, and boy are they good.

Well, this blog has absolutely no substance, but I am too interested in the man talking about Chinese red pandas and special k red berries to devote too much of my brain power. At least now you know what sorts of things to bring when you come visit ;)

Kids (know best how to) Play

Today I got to spend the majority of the morning watching my kids jump and run and slide and smile at Kidz Play. I love going to Kidz Play because they really just let the kids go crazy. Within minutes, most kids have drenched themselves in sweat and spent every token on the skee ball machine, barely making it up the little ramp. Usually when we take kids there, I take advantage of the free admission and lack of supervision and slide and bounce and tumble right along with the kids. What can I say, I don't like missing out on all the fun, and it's a pretty darn good workout. Unfortunately, I didn't want to risk throwing up on the slides or shaking little baby up too much, so I confined myself to the outside, to merely watching the smiling, sweaty faces. It wasn't nearly as fun and time dragged on, but it was still worth it to know that 18 kids didn't stop smiling for 2 straight hours and I will admit, nap time was pretty relaxing ;). I love kids so much. When it comes to having fun, they seem to live by the motto "life's short, play hard". When we first got to Kidz Play, they ran around and played games and spent tickets like we were gonna make them leave any minute. I just love it. And now I'm tired and The Office is on, so that's where this post will end :)

I am what they call "too blessed to be stressed" :)

Did I mention how thankful I am??? Maybe it didn't seem like it in my last two posts, but I am incredibly thankful for every breath, every ache, every laugh, every thought, every flutter. I have such a loving, God-seeking husband that strives each day to serve me in humility and love and without him, I am certain I would fall to pieces. Together we have a sweet, obedient and cuddle-loving puppy that brings us hours of entertainment. I have the great honor and privilege of teaching and learning from a group of smart, funny, energetic, silly four and five year olds that constantly remind me what Christ meant when he challenged us to have faith like a child. I also am so blessed to have not one, but two jobs, both of which I love and with coworkers and management that encourage me to work hard and do the best I possibly can. I get to make coffee and smoothies twice a week with a friend and meet all kinds of crazy people along the way. My husband also has a job that allows him the freedom to drive me to and from work in a car that we no longer have to make payments on. Together we get to disciple, love on, learn from, and hang out with some really great youth and college people who hold us accountable and keep us on our toes. We have wonderful family both down the street and around the country who care for us and offer timely advice coupled with endless memories. And here in a few months, we will receive the gift and burden (and I truly mean that in a positive sense) of caring for, instructing, and discplining another human life. God-willing, and with His unending grace and wisdom, we will get to watch our child grow up as a true disciple. But more than all that, I serve a loving God who, in his justice and mercy, did the only thing He could do, sacrifice his one and only, perfect, son so that He could spend eternity with me and those around me who call on His name.

I am so blessed.

Scattered pieces of my consciousness

The words and sentences to follow are composed of the random, hormone-induced thoughts buzzing about my mind. Take caution.

I've always had very strange dreams, but these days my dreams have the power to determine the whole course of my day, much to my chagrin. Today was a depressing day, because I spent the bulk of my night wrapped up in horrific nightmares relating to baby banfield. Not how I had hoped this week would start out. Lord, capture my mind and transform my thoughts, waking and asleep.

Today my day to day pregnancy tracker thing told me how to deal with middle of the night hunger pangs. To which I would reply: hunger pangs?? What's that? I cant remember the last time I actually felt hungry! I suppose I should count my blessings and be glad that, at least for now, there is still food for Sam to eat ;)

I hope baby banfield is a good traveler because the moment God gives us the green light to go, we will be going. To where, I don't much care. I just want so badly to go to Judea, Samaria and the ends of the earth. There are something like 6,700 people groups who have never even heard the name of Jesus. That's where I want to go. (and plus, the sooner we tell these people, the sooner Jesus can come back ;)

I have learned so much about sex trafficking these past few days and the burden on my heart for young girls to be set free, literally and figuratively, is Ever-growing. One.of these days I will dedicate a whole post to those precious girls.

Until then, Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy.

Did I mention I am inconsistent?

I actually wrote this a few weeks ago and never finished it. And try as I might, I have yet to be able to find words worthy of ending such thoughts. So I figured I'd just post it and get it over with...

It has been 2 months since I've posted on here. And what a crazy 2 months it has been. There have been several instances where I've felt the urge to post, but each time my thoughts whirl and blend to the point I can't seem to follow one from start to finish or distinguish one from the other. And that can be frustrating when trying to make sense enough of a thought to write it down in words. Thus the lack of blog posts from yours truly. But here I am, attempting the seemingly unattainable. All for the sake of progress ;)

A lot of things can go through one's head in the course of 2 months, and as I sit here trying to decide what to make this post about, all of those things that have surged through my consciousness in those 60ish days are fighting to be noticed all at once. So I apologize if these next few paragraphs show little to no order, purpose, or bear any sort of significance from one word to the next. Such is the luck of you, the crazy one who thought it would be fun to read this blog :)



I am pregnant. Which is something I never planned to or imagined I would say (and mean) for at least a couple more years. But God is sovereign and consistently likes to remind me of this. Though I am really excited and each day I get more excited, my excitement has been diminished by all these other thoughts and feelings. (disclaimer: I am not trying to throw a pity party or make you think I need consoling or cheering up or wise words. just sharing my heart is all) For a while now, God has been growing in me a heart that feels the pain of barrenness and miscarriage. Several people that are dear to my heart and special to my life have experienced and are currently experiencing the pain that comes from not being able to conceive. People that deserve to, in my opinion. And with each month that passes without the birth announcement from them I've been praying for and hoping for, my heart becomes more burdened. But now I feel a deeper burden. One that is consumed with guilt. I know when all is said and done, I really have no say over who gets pregnant and when, my own pregnancy included. But there is this feeling overwhelming my heart that I have betrayed the people I love the most. For the first several weeks of being pregnant, I had almost come to a peace with the fact that I would miscarry, because I know that I am so undeserving. I almost secretly hoped, simply because I couldn't bear the thought of having to tell those people I love so much. But here I am, almost 4 months pregnant and going strong. Don't get me wrong, in no way do I hope that this life inside me diminishes. And in no way do I regret that God has blessed me with such a gift. But given the choice between waiting another year or two so one of those in my life that have been trying so desperately could have this joy or keeping it all to myself, I would choose the first.

Dreamweaverrrr...

"Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you

Whom you love, I'll love
How you serve, I'll serve
If this life I lose
I will follow you."

So last night I had a dream. It was one of those dreams that is so vivid you think you should be able to remember even the smells and sounds from it. When I woke up, my first thought was, "That was SUCH an awesome dream." But later that morning, as my drowsiness lifted and my mind became clearer, I walked back through the dream and started thinking that maybe it wasn't such a great dream after all.

Here's how it went:

I was standing in a line. There were all kinds of people standing around, some anxious, some excited, everyone chattering animatedly. Tiffany was with me and my level of excitement was so high I thought I would burst. We were waiting in line to enter this small alcove in the wall where we would squat down and prepare for something similar to an anvil to fall on us and essentially kill us. It was the rapture with a twist. God was calling us home and this was his avenue of getting us there. In the dream, I was breathless with anticipation. I didn't care that I was about to die. That a ton of weight would crush me to death. I was looking forward to being with Jesus. When it came my turn, the dream changed from first person to third person - I was on the outside looking in, watching my own death. The "anvil" struck and almost immediately I was transported to an empty room where everyone I've ever loved was there waiting. I'm talking family members, those I am close with and those that I haven't been able to see in years; friends from elementary school, middle school, high school, and college; young life friends; European friends - everyone was there that I've always wished could be in one place. But though I was excited and surprised to see them, my overwhelming emotion was one of disappointment. Where was God? I was desperate to find Him. All the sudden the room was surrounded by doors. I went through one into another room with even more doors. The dream continued like this - me desperate to find the right door and failing in every attempt. And then I woke up.

The dream was so real and so vivid that I knew there must be a reason I had this dream.

As I prayed about it and thought about it, this is the conclusion I came to:

God is reminding me that in this life and the next, He is the most important thing. And apart from Him, nothing is right. I tend to get caught up in the blessings of life - my wonderful husband, my incredible family, my new and blossoming friendships - and I think that my joy and contentment come from those blessings. But God is so gracious and patient to remind me that any joy or contentment I have comes from Him alone. The blessings can bring happiness and inspire in me an attitude of thankfulness, but it is all to give the Father glory. He is all that matters.

So to my family, my friends, my husband (who I don't even think reads this ;) and anyone else in my sphere of loving influence - I love you dearly. But if I had to choose between you and the God who created me, I would choose Him every time. And my prayer is that you would do the same.

I love the song that I quoted in the beginning of this post. We sang it this morning in church and I battled tears the whole time. Because it is a hard promise to make, but because it is one that I have made and will continue to make everyday of my life on this earth. All for the God who sustains me and loves me and has a good and perfect plan for my life.

"If this life I lose, I will follow You."

Reflecting on our life...

And my heart may burst with thankfulness.

I love these two so much!!!!!(the first a lot more so than the second, but that goes without saying...)

Jehovah Jirah.

The Lord Provides. Even when it isn't in the way we think He should. We are learning this firsthand right now. God is so good and his plans work together for our good. I am really looking forward to the next life, but while I am given a breath in this one, I will rejoice and be glad in it. Jehovah Jirah. :)

Work... Except it's not really work.

So as I write this, there are 15 precious sleeping children all around me. (Talk about trying to not fall asleep!) I absolutely LOVE my job. I love the kids that are in my class. Each one of them really offers something so special.  Sam and I started watching the Christy series on Netflix.  I watched it a few summers back but we had been wanting to see it again.  If you haven't seen it (or better yet, read the book) I strongly recommend it.  We've only just finished the pilot episode but already I am loving it all over again.  The stories of the mountain folk and their rivalries and struggles and challenges is so fascinating to me.  I really love learning about other cultures and looking into why people are the way they are.  Because at the end of it all, we are all basically the same.  Each one of us has something special to offer, but at our cores, we crave the same things.  We crave peace. We crave companionship.  We long to be a part of something - something bigger than ourselves. The kids in my class express these core traits everyday.  The little girls are all the time complaining about each other and how so and so won't play with so and so.  The little boys are constantly trying to rescue one another from whatever bad guy lurks in the classroom that day.  And all of them seek my approval in everything.  "Mrs Heather! Watch this!" "Mrs Heather! Look what I made!". I admit, sometimes it's exhausting. But when I stop to think about it, it makes me smile.  We all want to be loved.  And in all that, whether we realize it or admit it, we all long desperately for a Creator, One that would stoop down into our filth, pick us up, and carry us off into the sunset because He is wild about us. And in those same small people I spend my days with, I see glimpses off that very Creator.  I see him in the way they smile at each other. The way the little girl who just doesn't quite fit in continues to love her classmates regardless of how they neglect her. The way the little boy sees his friend crying in a corner and walks over simply to offer his favorite toy to cheer his friend up.  I feel it in the way they squeeze me each morning when they first arrive.  I am so blessed to serve a God that has endowed each of his beloved children with the gift of being in His likeness.  I am so blessed to be surrounded by such beauty.  In all my days of flu-driven isolation, I found that while I really enjoy sleeping, there is a much greater satisfaction that comes from doing the work God has blessed me with.  I'm sorry that my posts don't really have clear, thought out and prepared topics.  Sometimes the mere wonder of God amazes me that I just ramble on and on about it.  I guess what I'm trying to say is I am so very thankful for the life God has given me and I pray I will be sensitive to every nudging of the Spirit in every moment of my life.

In other news, Sam's song "Dimples" was debuted on public radio this afternoon!  Of course, I have a vested interest in his music, and a special fondness for that song, so I was beyond excited.  Even though it was on AM radio and it was played by some friends from church, it's still the radio and it was still my husband's own song!  The neat thing is that one of his songs will be played each week for a month (unfortunately we missed the first week, stupid flu!) so next Thursday around 3:10, tune in to AM 590 if you live in the greater Rutherford area and show your support!  

Going to church...by myself?

So this morning, since I am still subjected to this bed, I didn't get to go to church with Sam. Not a terribly big deal, except that that is one of my most favorite places to be with him. But I am trying to make the best of all this, so I decided to just have my own church service here at home. People do it all the time, right? I played my worship songs (which was awesome because they played all my faves, which we all know is the most important part;) I spent time in prayer. I read my bible. And I even downloaded a sermon and listened to the whole thing. The only things missing were the standing and sitting and standing and sitting and ...the people. I've had a really great morning. I have. I've spent time with my Lord, which is always always always a blessing. But there's just something significantly off when "going to church" means staying by yourself. Isn't the whole premise of "the church" simply the believers? Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. Spending time one on one with Christ is awesome, nay, absolutely ESSENTIAL to being a Christ follower. But one thing God has blessed us with, especially here in America, and encourages us in is the presence of other believers in our life. Hebrews 10:25 even tells us to keep meeting together - don't give up on that precious time with other believers! There are a lot of Christians who are fine to sit at home Sunday mornings and watch the preacher on tv or listen to the latest podcast from Joel Osteen (gag). But they are really missing out. I am so thankful for our church family at Cornerstone. We have met some incredible people and are continually challenged and encouraged each Sunday and Wednesday we are there. I know it can be hard to find a church like ours. It can be draining, discouraging, and seemingly worthless. But there's a reason God tells us in Hebrews to not give up on it. Because He knows it is for our own good. A church provides support, teaching, fellowship, strength, perspective. It creates a networking system for us to serve, give, support, and pray for other believers. I know God can and does work in my life even on days like today when I can't make it to the church building. But because I belong to a local body of believers, I also know I have a whole congregation praying for me, loving me, and ready to teach and be taught by me and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I really didnt have a reason for writing this other than to say I can't wait to get to be back in the building at Cornerstone with my church family, worshipping the One True God.

It must be all the benadryl...

Well, it's been 2 years since I've done this whole web logging thing, and I hated it back then, so I'm not sure what I'm even doing here. Maybe it's the fact that I've been given strict orders to stay in bed and not have any fun. Or maybe it's because I'm still a little doped up on meds. I think though, it had to do with the fact that since Sam and I have been married, I have done a terrible job of keeping written reflection of our adventures. I used to journal. Kind of a lot, actually. I have 7 or 8 journals that follow my poor, hormonal self through trial after trial, blessing after blessing, from puberty to marriage. But something happened after I got married. I journaled some, but it wasn't really the same. I had someone with me every night to talk to. Journaling wasn't as necessary anymore. But I wish now that I had something to read, something to reflect on our first months, our first year. So this is my attempt to satisfy my own inconsistent and indecisive desires. Honestly, I don't expect anyone to really follow this. It is truly for my own humor and humiliation. But if you do choose to come along and be a part of our adventures, I cannot be held responsible :)